i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
