Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
