Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
