I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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