If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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