Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
