Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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