Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
