WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
