if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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