oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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