My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
