In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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