Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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