just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
she smelled like a LAN party
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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