Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
