I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
