he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
