I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
false alarm. still invincible.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
