Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
