I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
