Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
and you fell through a lawn chair
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
