Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
