One girl and one boy is just not enough.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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