he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
