Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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