That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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