Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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