well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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