I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Randomize
