I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
