I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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