Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
