Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
