And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
