Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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