so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
