just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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