I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
