So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
it was like having sex with a tree stump
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
