Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
