What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
