Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
