At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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