The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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