I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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