Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
