thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
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