btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
