How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Randomize
