My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
