I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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