Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
