did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
