before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize