I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
