my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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