Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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