Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
