I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I think my fart just growled at me.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
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