I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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