i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
