i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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