Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
