I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
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