She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
