his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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