I love black thongs
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
