my phone needs a breathalizer
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Randomize
