Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
