You're my little dorito
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I have already put on my inside pants.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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