a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
