But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
