I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
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