Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize