I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
