hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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