i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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