$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
