Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Im part way to drunk.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
