booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
