All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
